shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
