just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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