What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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