conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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