she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
