this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
