I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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