remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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