I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
