i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
