He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You took a bar mat shot.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
