Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
