dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
