He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
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I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Ketchup is God's man juice
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
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Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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