i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
