I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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