I smell stomach acid.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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