I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
