i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
