i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
