Midget sex pt 2 tonight
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
