I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
