You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
