Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
you never un-have a 4some
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I forget how to act sober
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