i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
