I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
