I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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