my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
