my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
