I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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