proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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