He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
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