Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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