remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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