I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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