I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i think i have herpe
just one?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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