Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
