it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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