Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
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I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
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I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
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