There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
