ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
