i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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