i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
