3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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