If that was your dad, he is hot
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
