worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
