Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
