Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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