Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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