the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
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the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
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Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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