I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
