I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Randomize
