i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just invented taco cereal.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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