if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
