He uses pillows to masturbate.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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