I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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