Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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