I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
