We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
