In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I've blown a few things in my day
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
