Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
soo... how was my night?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
