i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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