Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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