I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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