Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
