yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
