just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
