She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
