Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize