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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.

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• (925): View more from California

  just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.

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• (707): View more from California

  It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  That ass isn’t going to eat itself.

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