Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
