Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
