Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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