A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
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is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
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"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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