Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
