Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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