HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
im six kinds of drunk right now
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
